MEAN GIRLS & THE ALPHA-FEMALE

I, for one, am extremely (ridiculously!) grateful for my girlfriends… they are beyond wonderful and inspiring.  They are beautiful, unique, and I feel lucky to know them.  They are, as I have outlined below, Alpha-Females.  Surround yourself with these women.

Now… onto the unsavory bunch.  We have all encountered Mean Girls.  However, no matter how rude someone is, I truly believe that it is a waste of your time and energy to be rude in return.  And being mean? Gasp. You, my perfect little lady, would never dare utter negative words about someone.  You are far too busy with your fabulous life/family/career/man to waste your time on such trivial matters.  Below is a profile of a few Mean Girl Types for you to be aware of… But you are only to be that: aware of them.  Do not add fuel to their fire.  These types feed on your reaction… And the only reaction you are to give them is simple.  Kindness.  Kill them with it.  Trust me, it works.  And you leave all the better for the interaction… Poised, confident, gracious and, as has oftentimes happened for me, you may surprise yourself and leave with a new friend.  We women have it hard enough… Raise each other up, please.  Quit it with the tear downs. Now, onto the profiling.

The Gossip Queen

She draws people close by telling them hushed, naughty little secrets about everyone she knows.  These “secrets” are likely untrue… but the more farfetched they are, the more attention she receives.  Immediately be on guard around someone who is a gossip.  Just as your mother always told you, “If she talks like that about others, she’ll likely say it about you when you’re gone.”  It’s true.  You should be aware that this girl likely talks about other people because she’s uncomfortable talking about herself.  Insecurity can drive people to do incredibly unattractive things.  I personally despise gossip and feel that it is immature, unproductive, and an indicator of low intelligence.  If you have a friend who tends to gossip, simply refuse to participate.  She will likely feel uncomfortable with your silence/lack of interest and take it as an indicator of disapproval.  You may have to express your dislike for it, but you can do it in a charming way (i.e. “I’m sure we can all find something more interesting to talk about.  Have you heard about the current political situation/sale at Nordy’s/new happy hour spot?”).  At that point, you will either find something new to talk about (a Gossip Queen can be rehabilitated into a good and sometimes loyal friend) or you will not.  If no new topic arises, you may walk away knowing that you gave it the old college try and find a new group of friends (see Alpha-Females below).

The Anger Management Case

She rules through fear.  She is oftentimes a spoiled girl who is used to getting exactly what she wants.  Her characteristics are exacerbated through her martini habit.  She gets red in the face and throws the equivalent of a two-year-olds tantrum in a twenty/thirty-something-year-old’s body.  This is a girl that is a true waste of your time.  If she has any friends at all, they likely won’t be there for long.  Her Machiavellian fear tactics may have worked in high school, but we’re all adults now… aren’t we?  Do not yell back.  Do not roll your eyes.  In fact, though this may sound a bit juvenile, just repeat “I can’t hear you. I can’t hear you. I can’t…” in your head until your own personal joy causes her anger to literally disappear in your mind.  And, get far away.  This is not a situation in which persuasive words and calming tones are effective.  You are dealing with a (possibly intoxicated) rageaholic.  You don’t want her martini to end up on your Louboutins, do you? I didn’t think so.

The Put-Down Princess

No matter how beautiful, intelligent, or kind a woman is, the Put Down Princess will deem her hideous, an airhead, or fake.  A good sign of the PDP is her go-to comment: “What is she wearing?” or “Who does she think she is?”  This may incite nervous nods or giggles from the surrounding females who attempt to agree with the PDP, who they likely view as an Alpha-Female.  Let’s all get this straight: she is not an Alpha-Female (see Alpha-Female below).  A true Alpha-Female is secure in who she is, unapologetic for the way she chooses to live her life, walks her own unique path, and does not exclude others.  Take a look at the girl who took the aforementioned “Who does she think she is?” verbal beating.  Odds are high the girl targeted is an Alpha-Female. Make a beeline for her.  She’ll likely be a good (and supportive) friend.

The Frenemy

She’s arguably the worst of all.  She smiles and may even “invite” you to an outing/event/gathering that she may or may not actually be attending.  You know the grin on her face is a faux one because her eyes remain cold and disinterested… Or worse: calculated.  You can’t quite put your finger on it, but something isn’t quite right here.  Most of the time, the cause of this behavior is quite simple.  This is a woman who is threatened by you.  She may be threatened by a number of things: you are stunning, you live a remarkable life, you are witty, you are genuine, or you are just flat out wonderful.  She may be threatened by your very presence… Or she may just be threatened by the unknown.  Give her the benefit of the doubt.  Extend your hand.  Introduce yourself.  Make her feel comfortable.  It is these little allowances that make you so wonderful.  She may begin to feel comfortable around you and actually like you.  And you may actually like her.  Give her a chance.  If she remains cold and distant, politely refuse her fake invitation or leave the presence of her petty chatter.  You don’t have time for this woman’s attempted manipulation.

You: The Alpha-Female

This, my beautiful reader, is likely you.  And, if you’re not quite there yet… fear not. You will be.  You, the Alpha-Female, are confident and poised.  You are unique and fabulous.  You are intelligent and have varied, unpredictable interests.  You may be quiet, loud, short, tall, the center of attention, or a graceful spectator.  All that matters is that you are you.  Because you are so fantastic, it is your duty (a sort of divine responsibility) to be kind to everyone.  Not just the people that are kind to you… but everyone.  When you live a gracious life, you are an elegant woman.  Elegance is something that is a kind of lost art and I have faith that we can all bring it back.  I’m not saying you have to get all Emily Post on the situation.  We all have our not-so-elegant qualities (sometimes I swear like a sailor).  What I mean is: react elegantly.  Don’t let someone shake you.  Welcome them.  You may be surprised at how their Mean Girl ways disappear.  When people know what is expected of them, they typically behave accordingly.  And you, my love, expect people to behave with kindness.