Blonder Ambitions

Category: Advice

  • MY STORY

    MY STORY

    Hi, I’m Kiki… and This is My Story

    My Upbringing

    I was raised in Santa Barbara, CA by two incredible parents (an actor/writer + a beauty queen). I have two younger siblings who are total rockstars + we had a pretty magical childhood. I was a super nerd (straight A’s + an affinity for The Legend of Zelda), a theater geek (had the lead in a few school plays), + a jock (varsity basketball + volleyball… because I’m 6’1”).  I had a vivid imagination, an outspoken personality, a loud laugh, questioned authority, protected the underdog, + a there was perma-smile on my face (these things are all still true about me).

    My Education

    At 16, I made the decision to skip my senior year of high school and head straight to college. I have a degree from USC in English Literature + a minor in Business Administration.  I was the president of the honor society and the VP (in charge of social events) for my sorority.

    Upon graduating at 20, I took a year off to travel the country + work a sales job in the fashion industry before going to law school. I got my law degree from Pepperdine University + also received a certification in Entrepreneurship and the Law.

    My Career

    I passed the Bar Exam (on the first try!) and immediately stopped practicing law. It wasn’t for me because my heart wasn’t in it (theme of my life: if my heart tells me to make a change, I do it). I started my blog during this time as an outlet for my creative energy.

    I worked as a promotional model (and still do! My sister @sweetsoutherncalifornia + I work in the casino industry) + also opened an events company. I planned big weddings in Santa Barbara and Montecito. I loved it. Until I didn’t. So I stopped (See? Theme here). During this time, I also did a variety of radio shows + guest spots giving men relationship advice (my life is beautifully random).

    Fighting for My Life

    Then I almost died. Seriously. In February 2013, I collapsed in Europe. I rushed back to the US and nobody could figure out what was wrong.

    In April 2013, I collapsed at a casino in Palm Springs while on a job. I was rushed to the ER and underwent major surgery. In July 2013, I was hospitalized for 57 days and told to say goodbye to my family on 8 different occasions because of complications from the surgery. I didn’t say goodbye. I knew it wasn’t my time. This is when my spirituality + courage began to flourish.

    From 2013 until last year, I searched frantically for answers while I was in and out of hospitals and underwent another major surgery. I went to over 150 doctors + specialists. My insurance was billed for millions of dollars. I was in unbearable pain. I hid it with a big smile on my face and no one knew about my struggle (crawling around my house with tears running down my face because the pain was so horrible, not eating for days, feeling hopeless and disconnected from the flow of love). I was finally properly diagnosed with Endometriosis Stage IV and I have used holistic strategies to regain ownership over my life and diminish my pain (more on this in another post).

    My Perspective Shift

    My entire life changed because of this. I began to unhinge myself from the rat race and look at everything with a different perspective. When you are told you are going to die so many different times, everything changes. I only wanted to do things that lit me up and made the world a better and more beautiful place. My intuition and spirituality continued to grow at a rapid rate + I trusted their guidance.

    My Journey in the Beauty Industry

    I then felt called to venture into the skincare + beauty industry (all while blogging and actively working as a promotional model).  I started a women’s inspirational + sales organization called @the.gild to teach women to promote, inspire, + sell online.

    The beauty industry is where I began teaching + it led me to motivational speaking. It directed me around the world: Iceland, Mexico, Paris (speaking on stage to a sold out theater in Paris is one of my life highlights), Panama, South Africa, and around the USA (Utah, Montana, New York, Texas, all over California…).

    The beauty industry helped get me to exactly where I had wanted to be (and the place I had been manifesting for a long time): owning a white house with black shutters, a fireplace, + a front porch in Los Alamos, California with my love @coliniration.

    I was on top of the world. I was in love. I had gotten my health under control with alternative methods. I had a group of friends that rocked my world. I owned a home. My blog was taking off (6 million page views!). My beauty business was booming. I thought I had figured life out.

    The Darkness

    And then tragedy struck.

    I choose not to go into the details of this tragedy because, though I am a relatively open book, some things are sacred. This tragedy hit this year and it has truly been the most difficult year of my life (it made 2013 look like a piece of cake).

    For the first time, I intimately understood depression and anxiety.

    During this time is when I realized that self-care + self-love are two of the most important things in life.  The beauty industry actually helped expose me to this. Meditation, prayer, allowing myself to cry, feel, + be cared for, slowing down, being present, giving high vibrational energy to those I choose, trusting my intuition, and restructuring my entire existence were necessary to pull myself out of a dark hole of despair.

    The Light

    I look back at this year with so many emotions, but pain + gratitude are the two that are the most dominant. Pain is part of life. Oftentimes it is the only way we grow. Gratitude is the lifeline that saves us from the pain. It is the perspective shift. I am infinitely grateful for the pain I experienced this year because it provided a major soul shift.

    I am different. I am changed. And I am grateful.

    I have mastered this perspective shift through painful practice. Most people that know me have no idea that I have had a desperately hard year. I’ve had numerous people tell me this year that I’m “the happiest person” they’ve ever known. Pain and happiness can exist side by side. Light drowns out the darkness. I am really good at getting to happy. I am really good at keeping my vibration high. I am really good at helping others with this. I am grateful for the hard times that led me to this.

    This year also brought incredible joy in the form of my nephew (who is also my godson). Auntie Figgy is the best job title I’ve ever had.

    Who I Am

    At present: I am a lifestyle blogger committed to providing women with the best + most authentic information on all things that can lead you to living your golden life. I cover everything from mindset to travel, skincare to home decor, business tips to relationship advice, home cooked meals to the very best places to dine out. I am so passionate about this and I love connecting with all of you. I love helping women live their very best life.

    Also at present: I am thirty-three, a really old soul with childlike instincts, in a state of ascension, in love, focused on my family + my godson, and making it a point to create beauty in any form (physical, emotional, or spiritual) every single day.

    And, importantly: I am so grateful for all of you in this community. I hope you feel my love and support because I certainly feel yours.

    …

    If you want to learn more about me, you can check out this page here.

  • THIRTY THREE

    THIRTY THREE


    April, May, June, and July have been unusual months for me.  As blogging/social media have been in my life for the past eight years, it was strange to step away from it all; yet, for four months, that is what I have done.

    The beginning of April was incredibly difficult, one of the hardest times of my life, because a tragedy struck… and it struck me to my core.  I choose not to go into the details of this tragedy because, though I broadcast much of my existence online, there are some moments that I consciously protect as they are private, personal, and sacred.  The beginning of April held one such moment.

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  • G R O W T H

    G R O W T H

    growth 1
    I have not been the kind of person who is prone to missing people.

    I’ve been a trust-in-the-bigger-plan type of person + I accept that people have wonderfully complicated paths + purposes that cause them to come + go and jump around this beautiful planet of ours.

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  • M I N D S E T = T R A N S F O R M A T I O N

    M I N D S E T = T R A N S F O R M A T I O N

    mindset transformation

    “Be who you needed when you were younger.”

    Photo on the left – 2008 (22 years old)
    Photo on the right – 2018 (32 years old)

    Today I woke up in a grateful, happy, + reflective mood. I made myself a matcha latte and sat on the couch in my new home.

    A thought hit me. A simple thought. That thought was: “This is my life.”

    It was a thought filled with wonder + disbelief + gratitude + awe. I have been hustling, grinding, + burning the candle at both ends for the majority of my life. I did this to become the woman that the young woman on the left in the photo above needed.

    I cannot believe that there is a DECADE between those two photos. The change that has happened between 22 and 32 has been astounding.  As my “insides” changed while I focused on my mindset, my “outside” also changed with it.  Personal growth is more tangible + obvious than most of us realize.

    I attribute my personal growth to the following things:

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  • COURAGE + KINDNESS IN THE NEW YEAR

    COURAGE + KINDNESS IN THE NEW YEAR

    75-years
    As we approach 2017, I look back at 2016 with a flood of emotions.

    This year has been absolutely life-changing. And it’s been a year filled with “the feels.”

    Why?

    It all came down to a decision to change. Not because I didn’t like who I was… I did (and that’s important. I want everyone to LOVE exactly who they are).

    I decided that I wanted a great adventure. A fairy tale. A dream.

    I wanted the thing that we’re told as a child that we can have… that we will have… and then, as we enter adolescence and early adulthood and beyond, we’re told by a thousand other voices here and there that we are no longer allowed access to that life. That the dream is impossible. That we’re asking for too much. That we should be comfortable where we are. That it’s ungracious to strive for more.

    I call bulls$%t.

    2016 was the year I decided to dream again. Believe. Wish.

    I only needed one motto to make that change (and it aptly came to me in a fairy tale… Cinderella, in fact): “Have courage and be kind.”

    That’s it. Two life rules to make everything change.
    1. Courage
    2. Kindness

    The only thing standing between you and everything you want, deserve, and used to dream about is fear. With courage, bravery, persistence, and unabashed vigor (accompanied with constant kindness)… you can break through the illusion of fear.

    Don’t get me wrong… it is not easy. Being brave is hard. Really really hard. There are sleepless nights, doubt, anxiety, and tears that accompany bravery. To grow, one must experience growing pains. In those moments, it is important to keep going.

    Before any fairy tale character ever got to the castle, they had to brave the dark forest.

    One of my dreams is that 2017 will be a year that we all learn to support one another’s fairy tale. The dark forest isn’t so dark if you aren’t alone. The dream isn’t so far away if the voices telling you it isn’t real don’t exist.

    I commit my 2017 to the fairy tale. 2016 showed me that it’s oh-so-real (and worth every single sleepless night). Who needs sleep when reality is better than your dreams?

    Wishing each of you an absolutely magical 2017. I hope that every single one of you lives a life that’s a little different (in small or big ways) this year than it was the last. Here’s to the dream. May you courageously earn your place in the sun.

  • THIRTY

    THIRTY

    thirty scott cutler
    photo credit: Scott Cutler

    I thought thirty would look a little something like this…

    Happily married.  Two children under the age of five.  A 2,200 sq ft “cottage” with a white picket fence, solar power, grey water, and a chicken coop.  A career (lawyer, real estate agent, POTUS) that generated considerable financial success.  A published book that resulted in moderate national renown.  Home-cooked Sunday brunches hosted in the backyard (all eggs provided by aforementioned chickens and produce provided by the yet-to-be-mentioned hydroponic garden) with a mimosa in hand, scratchy jazz playing, and a spattering of the most interesting, accomplished, jet-setting company that one could imagine.

    No, no, no, I hadn’t put much thought into it.  None at all.

    The truth was that I had put so much thought into it that it had become real.  I believed that this entire world existed and that the day I hit thirty I would magically acquire all of it.  I don’t know if I thought the hard work I had put in would cause it to just appear.  I don’t know if I thought it would come my way via osmosis.  I didn’t think much about the “how”… I just focused on the “why.”

    Why?

    Because I believed that was the script that would result in happiness.  I hadn’t even considered an alternative script.  There was no alternative.

    Until I turned thirty.

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