Blonder Ambitions

Tag: Men

  • PMS – PISSY MAN SYNDROME

    PMS – PISSY MAN SYNDROME


    Alright… enough is enough.  Let me start by saying that I am not a man-hater. Not in the slightest. In fact, I love. adore. admire. and maybe even cherish men.  However, it is time to address the fact that they often use the term “PMS” or “PMS-ing” as an attack/explanation/joke towards women.  Men typically don’t even use it correctly, as they refer to it (any time of the month) when a woman is being “moody” or “emotional” (maybe she’s just being honest or speaking her mind).  I’m a fan of gender-neutral terms… so let’s make PMS something a little more bilateral.  PMS for women… fine.  PMS (Pissy Man Syndrome) for men… now the playing field is even.

    Now, let’s review the new rules.  Men, too, have a cycle.  They are moody, emotional, wonderfully human creatures, as well. If they claim otherwise, they are either lying or in denial.  If you claim otherwise… you likely haven’t had many long-term interactions with men.  Let’s move on to the man’s 28 day* mood cycle.

    *The days listed are rough estimates… give or take a few. Men are unpredictable.

    Days 1-7: Stable… Like Tom Hanks

    Your man is your rock.  He is available, stable, prompt in responding to or initiating contact with you and he makes plans.  A good indicator of knowing he is the Stable part of his mood cycle is taking a look at his living conditions… squeaky clean? Yep. He’s there.  He listens.  He is calm and kind.  He is a nice shoulder to cry on if necessary.  He is not necessarily sexy during this time period (unless you are into completely stable men… if so, you are far more mature than the rest of our species and must share your secrets), but he is easy to love and he feels safe. It can be a good time to talk about something that has been on your mind as he will likely be highly receptive.  It’s a wonderful time to schedule a family dinner (as they often can’t be avoided and a stable man makes a fabulous impression on parents).  It’s a good time to invite him to spend (a brief amount of) time with your girlfriends (he’ll appear to be the ideal man… he listens! He understands! He’s attentive!).  If you are one of those women who needs her man to go shopping with her to feel appreciated (and, please, I hope you change your ways… no more turning your boyfriends into your best girlfriends… tsk tsk), this is one of the best times to ask him as his patience levels are high.  This is the best time to increase your mental/emotional closeness.  Talk.  Get to know him even better.  And listen.  This is when he’ll open up.

    Days 8-14: Affectionate… Like Fabio

    Your man is all about you.  You feel like an irresistible goddess (well, you feel that way all the time… this is just when he reminds you of that).  He is touchy and affectionate.  He says just the right things.  He is constantly sexy and he is genuinely sweet.  This is when your head spins and he has the ability to make you a bit swoony (sidenote: we should all make it a point to swoon more frequently… it’s a lost art and it feels topsy-turvy heart-fluttery uh-ma-zing… master the swoon.  Your man can’t make you swoon, you say? Move on to the next eligible suitor immediately).  This is when a kiss makes you cross-eyed and you just fit. Cheesy? Totally. Awesome? Uh, yeah.  This is one of the best (okay… the best) time in the man’s PMS cycle.  This is when your physical bond is the strongest and you feel a bit like a twitterpated teenager.  Bask in this out of control lust.  This is the stuff that Monster Ballads are made of and you, my dear, are living proof.  So put on some Whitesnake and get all gussied up to spend a night (or weekend) in with your man.

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  • The 13 Types of Men

    The 13 Types of Men


    I frequently hear the sentiment that men and women can’t “just be friends.”  Though I don’t know if this is true, it got me thinking about what men and women     can be… Women have a variety of men in their lives and these are just a few of the categories that come to mind.

    1. Platonic Friend – This is the guy to whom you are not attracted.  And never will be.  Ever.  There may be no rhyme nor reason to why you don’t feel an attraction to him, but you just know that he will always be like a brother to you.  To verify that you feel platonically toward him, you should note if you feel a twinge of envy when he has a girlfriend or an interest in someone.  If you’re genuinely happy for him, then feel safe with this relationship.  This is rare.  Hang onto it.

    2. Sexual Tension Friend – This is a common relationship for a man and a woman to fall into.  One of my male friends told me that a man won’t be friends “with a chick unless he thinks that he might be able to [sleep with] her” (he shall remain nameless but, as we were friends, I felt a bit uncomfortable… and felt the need to inform him that he should give up all hope of that ever happening).  This can be an incredibly fun, flirtatious, and interesting relationship.  BUT make sure to maintain the “tension” aspect of this friendship.  If the sexual tension becomes a reality fulfilled and no longer a “tension”, you may lose the lighthearted nature of this situation quickly.  Luckily, it’s easy to find a man to take over this spot.  I think it’s in their nature.


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    3. Bad Boy – The bane of our female existence and the thrill of it.  This guy could not care less about you.  Or at least pretends he could not.  He’s only concerned about himself.  He has a ridiculously sordid past.  Maybe he’s an alcoholic.  Maybe he’s a pothead.  Maybe he rides a motorcycle and is covered in tattoos.  Maybe he has a criminal record.  Maybe he is a cheater.  Maybe he puts you down/bails on you/disappears to ….Tijuana…. for the weekend.  But the relationship is addicting.  Or maybe you’re just addicted to the tumultuous nature of your relationship.  So you tolerate him.  And maybe, just maybe, you’ll be the one he’ll change for.  Get real.  Move on.  He’s a selfish jerk and this whole bad boy thing is working for him right now.  He’ll have another girl on the back of his bike tomorrow.  Get the bad boy thing out of your system and grow up.


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  • Why Falling In Love is a Stupid Thing to Do*

    Why Falling In Love is a Stupid Thing to Do*


    1. You Lose Your Figure: Sure, in the beginning the butterflies may cause you to lose your appetite and the excessive amounts of sex (if there is such a thing as excessive sex) can substitute for your former cardio routine for awhile. That is the lust stage, a stage for which I am a huge proponent. BUT, if you’re not careful, soon enough you will become a complacent, chubby little love slave… spending nights in with your beloved instead of shaking your former tight little body on the dance floor with your girlfriends. Your white wine spritzer will be replaced with pints of rocky road and the passionate, wild sex you used to have turns into cuddling… Avoid this at all costs. Take up yoga, keep up your daily run, and don’t turn into a creature of consumption… when love consumes you, you consume everything else. Consider your waistline warned.

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