Blonder Ambitions

Tag: Love

  • ROMANCE POINTERS FOR THE MODERN MAN {AND WHY WOMEN LOVE THIS STUFF}

    ROMANCE POINTERS FOR THE MODERN MAN {AND WHY WOMEN LOVE THIS STUFF}

    As I write this, Kitten, I sit at my desk… In front of a large picture window… fresh flowers in a crystal vase… a flickering candle… and the sounds of one helluva songbird {Miss Ella Fitzgerald} fill the air.  I tell you this for one simple reason: old-fashioned romance {the magically ridiculous i-am-oh-so-in-love-with-life kind} exists {even if you have to create it yourself}.

    I also say this because, while I am all about love/men/lust/excitement/full-blown-twitterpation, I am also about independent, self-sufficient, incredibly strong women {get out there and cause a stir!}.  A strong woman can create a little magic on her own {as evidenced by my current carefully-crafted writing environment}.  But, sometimes {every once in awhile} even a strong woman would like to have a bit of chivalry, a couple gentlemanly gestures, and some good ol’ fashioned romance to come sweeping into her already fabulous life.

    Romance has become a bit of a lost art.  And, yes, it is an art.  It is something that is thought out, crafted, and perfected to induce just the correct reaction {ideally resulting in a loss of breath, spinning thoughts, and the feeling of the earth moving ever-so-slightly beneath one’s feet}.  My favorite definition of romance {and the one I deem to be most realistic} is as follows: A strong, sometimes short-lived attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for something.

    The crux of that definition is “sometimes short-lived attachment.”  Experience romance is bursts; don’t expect it to be an eternal flame of sorts.  The love you have for someone can last, but to expect that gentleman to be a Constant Casanova would be preposterous {poor fellow}.  Simply, if women would lower their expectations {unyielding romance that lasts until eternity is simply implausible} and men would raise their standards {a tiny, thoughtful gesture goes a long way} we could successfully revive old-fashioned romance and adjust it so that it becomes a more modern concept.  Here are a few things that the men could start with…

    Romance Pointers for the Modern Day Man {and Why Women Love This Stuff}*
    *I am not a psychologist/psychiatrist/or any kind of medical doctor… all of the psychological points contained within this article are from personal experience, conversations, or just my uh-maz-ing women’s intuition {which each and every one of you lovely readers are blessed with, as well}

    1. Open the Door for Her: Listen, it doesn’t have to be every door.  In fact, it doesn’t even have to be the car door.  However, if the man is going into a building of some sort {a restaurant, shop, dwelling place}, he should make the extra effort to turn/pull the handle.  Odds are high that both the man and woman are arriving at the threshold at around the same time {read number 3 if you’re not}, so why shouldn’t he just reach out, open the door, and let the woman go inside first?  If the man makes this simple gesture, a woman feels important {because the man thought of her and put her… literally… before himself} and she feels protected {he let her go inside into shelter and out of the elements… even if the current “elements” involve a perfect summer day full of sunshine… first}.  The man should take the extra half of a second to put the woman ahead of himself.

    2. Cook for Her: Women are oftentimes used to being the provider of the elements of comfort {home, food, warmth, affection}.  If the man’s woman is phenomenal {I am assuming that she is} she likely provides him with affection and occasional creature comforts in addition to maintaining a career, her intellect, and a fabulous social life.  Many men out there are unknowingly dating Superwoman.  Maybe it would be wise for him to take a second to make her superhero life a bit easier.  When a man provides a woman with a creature comfort, it makes her feel understood {because the man is doing something for her that she would normally be doing for him}.  A home-cooked meal is one such creature comfort {it took effort and it makes a woman feel a bit cozy and just the right amount of pampered}.  Advice to the men: Take a second and whip something up.  It doesn’t all have to be homemade… just take her tastes into account and put it on a plate.  Bonus points if you have wine… Extra super bonus points for champagne.

    3. Walk Next to Her: A man should not walk too far behind a woman {she’ll assume he’s checking her out… in a psycho stalker-ish kind of a way}.  A man definitely shouldn’t walk too far in front of her {he’s sending the signal that he doesn’t have time for her, that he wants distance from her, or that he is annoyed that her insanely hot stilettos are causing her to walk a bit slower than his comfortably sneaker-enveloped feet are accustomed to}.  He should walk beside her.  He doesn’t even need to hold her hand {that’s extra credit} or put his arm around her {but, maybe he should… see number 4}.  This sends the message that the man is considerate {recognizing that she can’t man-walk in those high heels} and patient {he’s not rushing her} and a gentleman {he’s not lurking and staring creepily at her… ahem… assets}.  So, a man should slow down a bit {or speed up, if need be}.  Come on… it’s as simple as putting one foot in front of the other.

    4. Put Your Arm Around Her: I am the first to say that no one should ever be treated as another person’s property… if a man puts his arm around a woman to establish some sort of jealous ownership, there is nothing romantic in that notion.  However, to put one’s arm around another person is a socially acceptable form of public affection.  If his intent is to express affection towards her, he should proceed.  It shows that he cares, that he is comfortable with being publicly perceived as “together”, and that he actually enjoys being near the woman.  The man can do this when she is cold, if they are in a crowd, or for no reason at all.  This helps a woman feel that the man is proud to be with her {as he is publicly expressing it} and she feels safe and secure {perhaps he made her warm or kept her guarded in a crowd}.  Though she is aware that she could just put on a jacket {and she most certainly can protect herself in a crowd}, the fact that the man took care of her is something she will appreciate.

    5. Compliment Her: This is the easiest one of all.  The only prerequisite to making this one a success is that the compliment must be entirely sincere.  A woman’s intuition is a wonderful/dangerous thing… and a woman can read dishonesty more easily than she is ready to admit.  A man should not offend a woman’s intelligence by offering an insincere compliment.  The more unique/personalized the compliment is, the more powerful its effect.  A man could tell a woman that she is “pretty” or he could say that her “insanely quirky sense of humor is hot.”  One is general, the other specific.  See? Simple.  This makes the woman feel appreciated and noticed.  She will feel that the man finds her attractive, intelligent, funny {whatever type of compliment he carefully and earnestly chose to bestow upon her}.  This results in her feeling secure and safe, both elements of a successful pairing.

    In summary, each one of the aforementioned romantic gestures takes very little time and effort to employ.  All of these tips are less about the man’s actions and more about his intent.  His intent should be to make the woman feel special, appreciated and, most of all, respected.  There is nothing old-fashioned about that.



  • ADVICE FROM DAD – “THE THRILL OF THE CHASE”

    ADVICE FROM DAD – “THE THRILL OF THE CHASE”

    Best. Dad. Ever.

    I am typically not a proponent for rules… especially when they come from my father.  Throughout the years, he has given me “advice” (his word… I always felt like they were more like “rules”) about how to deal with the opposing (ahem… I mean opposite) sex.  I have made my fair share of mistakes while breaking these fatherly tips… and, much to my chagrin, I found that most of what my father taught me was absolutely correct.  Here is a bit of his wisdom  (condensed for your use) that I have gathered from age 4 until now.

    1. Do not be readily available. An available woman is a desperate woman.  Think of it this way… if he asks you if you are available later that evening and you say, “Yes!” you either a) had no plans (boooooring) or b) had plans and broke them to hang out with him (bad move, woman).  Either way, you come off as lonely/uninteresting or desperate (by immediately making him a priority), respectively.  Now, I’m not saying the three-day rule (asking you out three days in advance) needs to be instated.  That is likely highly impractical in our time of instant gratification and the text message.  However, he should have the respect to ask you for your time a minimum of 24 hours in advance.  If he doesn’t, he either thought of you last minute (clearly you are not a priority to him) or he doesn’t respect your time and schedule enough to plan (just slightly) ahead.  So, be busy.  Book your week solid if you feel like it.  If he asks you out, he’ll realize you’re worth the wait.

    2. Do not pursue him. This notion may seem out-dated, but it’s not.  It’s actually spot-on.  One of my favorite quotes is from The Second Neurotic’s Notebook and was penned by Mignon McLaughlin: “Men enjoy being thought of as hunters, but are generally too lazy to hunt.  Women, on the other hand, love to hunt, but would rather nobody knew it.”  It’s true.  A successful woman… one with a career, wonderful friends, a killer sense of humor, ridiculous intelligence, varied interests, and style to-die-for (much like you, kitten)… likely feels that she should also get to control the success and outcome of her romantic relationships.  Not so.  The interesting part about romance (and, trust me, my inner feminist is punching me) is that the man must, when it comes to the game of love, take the lead.  The second you attempt to chase him, you become unattractive.  The explanation of this has yet to be found; it’s just something that is a fact.  So, take a deep breath, quiet your controlling nature, and be patient.  Maybe he isn’t too lazy to hunt… you just hadn’t given him the chance.

    3. Set boundaries. Men, though wonderfully fascinating and oftentimes stupor inducing creatures, have the ability to behave much like a toddler.  Just as a child will continue sneaking an extra cookie after dinner if nothing is done about it, men sneak the extra cookie in life.  Now, you should certainly not be controlling.  That is not only unattractive… it’s just wrong.  People are individuals and should not be controlled… however, guidelines or boundaries as to the kind of treatment that you will or will not accept is necessary.  It shows that you respect yourself.  And, my love, I hope that you do respect yourself.  The behavior of the male might not be malicious, it likely isn’t, but it may bother you.  Let’s say that he cancels on you at the last minute.  In his mind, he’s thinking, “We’ll just reschedule.  No big deal.”  In your mind, you may be thinking, “Does he have any idea that I spent the whole day thinking about this?  I got an extra workout in, got a manicure, bought a new dress and some new lipgloss, and shaved my legs for nothing!”  And then you respond, aloud (or via text) “Sure. No problem. See you soon!”  No. Absolutely not.  You also shouldn’t respond with all of your internal frustration.  Just put your little foot down.  State that you understand that life can get in the way, but that you don’t appreciate being cancelled on and you hope that it doesn’t happen again.  If it happens again, you have your answer.  If you’re worth it to him, it won’t happen… and you also have your answer.

    4. Spend ample time apart. Though it is easy and, surely, tempting to spend every waking (and sleeping) moment together when you are in the first throes of an interlude with a man do. not. do. it.  Seriously.  The fastest way to kill a flame is by smothering it.  Give your flame a little room to breathe.  By having your own life, separate and apart from him, you will never run out of things to talk about.  You will never become stale or predictable.  You will also remain just as fabulous as you were before you met him (read Why Falling In Love is a Stupid Thing to Do as a warning).  You will become sick of one another if you fall into a routine/rut too quickly.  Try to spend at least twice the amount of time apart as you do together (if not more).  Do this for quite some time.  It’s part of the thrill of the chase.  It goes back to the idea of letting him hunt.  You don’t like being prey? Don’t think of it that way.  Think of it as being a catch.

    5. Be mysterious. Have you ever been talking to a man about your day and watched his eyes glaze over?  Odds are high that you were sharing far too many details (what you ate, the dilemma you were in over choosing the leopard top over the silk button-down, what your friends said, etc.).  It is not that what you are saying is unimportant to him.  My father always explained to me that men are “point people” (a nice way of saying that they’re always thinking, “Get to the point.”).  He does want to know about you… the important things.  Leave the trivial things out.  Talk about the little things with your girlfriends or your mother (or both).  They actually enjoy hearing about those things (or at least have learned the ability to feign interest).  Give him the big picture.  He’ll likely start wondering what else you did that day.  He’ll ask questions.  Summation: everything comes down to the hunt.  Let him find out about you.  Don’t just offer information.  If he wants to know, he’ll ask.

    6. Men hate being pressured. I don’t know what is in the biological (hay)wiring of some women, but I wish it wasn’t there.  Some women bring up children, marriage, love, commitment, plans six months in the future, or all of the above within the first few months (weeks! or days!) of getting to know someone.  Watch the aforementioned someone run for the hills.  Or at least stop calling. Or returning calls.  This pressure is entirely unnecessary.  It’s horrible (like poison) for your hopes of a potential relationship (or at least a healthy one).  More importantly, it’s horrible for you.  So much of that pressure that women put on men comes from the pressure that they put on themselves.  Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.  The second the ride becomes unenjoyable you can recognize it (pressure free) and disembark.  Look at relationships as experiences, not contracts.  When the experience feels good, stick with it.

    The bottom line is simple, though it may seem antiquated or barbaric: men are hunters.  Today’s men might not be the most adept, skilled, or even able hunters… but that’s likely because we don’t let them do the hunting.  Take the reins in regards to your own life… but consider allowing him to take the reins in your relationship… at least sometimes.

  • The 13 Types of Men

    The 13 Types of Men


    I frequently hear the sentiment that men and women can’t “just be friends.”  Though I don’t know if this is true, it got me thinking about what men and women     can be… Women have a variety of men in their lives and these are just a few of the categories that come to mind.

    1. Platonic Friend – This is the guy to whom you are not attracted.  And never will be.  Ever.  There may be no rhyme nor reason to why you don’t feel an attraction to him, but you just know that he will always be like a brother to you.  To verify that you feel platonically toward him, you should note if you feel a twinge of envy when he has a girlfriend or an interest in someone.  If you’re genuinely happy for him, then feel safe with this relationship.  This is rare.  Hang onto it.

    2. Sexual Tension Friend – This is a common relationship for a man and a woman to fall into.  One of my male friends told me that a man won’t be friends “with a chick unless he thinks that he might be able to [sleep with] her” (he shall remain nameless but, as we were friends, I felt a bit uncomfortable… and felt the need to inform him that he should give up all hope of that ever happening).  This can be an incredibly fun, flirtatious, and interesting relationship.  BUT make sure to maintain the “tension” aspect of this friendship.  If the sexual tension becomes a reality fulfilled and no longer a “tension”, you may lose the lighthearted nature of this situation quickly.  Luckily, it’s easy to find a man to take over this spot.  I think it’s in their nature.


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    3. Bad Boy – The bane of our female existence and the thrill of it.  This guy could not care less about you.  Or at least pretends he could not.  He’s only concerned about himself.  He has a ridiculously sordid past.  Maybe he’s an alcoholic.  Maybe he’s a pothead.  Maybe he rides a motorcycle and is covered in tattoos.  Maybe he has a criminal record.  Maybe he is a cheater.  Maybe he puts you down/bails on you/disappears to ….Tijuana…. for the weekend.  But the relationship is addicting.  Or maybe you’re just addicted to the tumultuous nature of your relationship.  So you tolerate him.  And maybe, just maybe, you’ll be the one he’ll change for.  Get real.  Move on.  He’s a selfish jerk and this whole bad boy thing is working for him right now.  He’ll have another girl on the back of his bike tomorrow.  Get the bad boy thing out of your system and grow up.


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  • Why Falling In Love is a Stupid Thing to Do*

    Why Falling In Love is a Stupid Thing to Do*


    1. You Lose Your Figure: Sure, in the beginning the butterflies may cause you to lose your appetite and the excessive amounts of sex (if there is such a thing as excessive sex) can substitute for your former cardio routine for awhile. That is the lust stage, a stage for which I am a huge proponent. BUT, if you’re not careful, soon enough you will become a complacent, chubby little love slave… spending nights in with your beloved instead of shaking your former tight little body on the dance floor with your girlfriends. Your white wine spritzer will be replaced with pints of rocky road and the passionate, wild sex you used to have turns into cuddling… Avoid this at all costs. Take up yoga, keep up your daily run, and don’t turn into a creature of consumption… when love consumes you, you consume everything else. Consider your waistline warned.

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