Alright… enough is enough. Let me start by saying that I am not a man-hater. Not in the slightest. In fact, I love. adore. admire. and maybe even cherish men. However, it is time to address the fact that they often use the term “PMS” or “PMS-ing” as an attack/explanation/joke towards women. Men typically don’t even use it correctly, as they refer to it (any time of the month) when a woman is being “moody” or “emotional” (maybe she’s just being honest or speaking her mind). I’m a fan of gender-neutral terms… so let’s make PMS something a little more bilateral. PMS for women… fine. PMS (Pissy Man Syndrome) for men… now the playing field is even.
Now, let’s review the new rules. Men, too, have a cycle. They are moody, emotional, wonderfully human creatures, as well. If they claim otherwise, they are either lying or in denial. If you claim otherwise… you likely haven’t had many long-term interactions with men. Let’s move on to the man’s 28 day* mood cycle.
*The days listed are rough estimates… give or take a few. Men are unpredictable.
Days 1-7: Stable… Like Tom Hanks
Your man is your rock. He is available, stable, prompt in responding to or initiating contact with you and he makes plans. A good indicator of knowing he is the Stable part of his mood cycle is taking a look at his living conditions… squeaky clean? Yep. He’s there. He listens. He is calm and kind. He is a nice shoulder to cry on if necessary. He is not necessarily sexy during this time period (unless you are into completely stable men… if so, you are far more mature than the rest of our species and must share your secrets), but he is easy to love and he feels safe. It can be a good time to talk about something that has been on your mind as he will likely be highly receptive. It’s a wonderful time to schedule a family dinner (as they often can’t be avoided and a stable man makes a fabulous impression on parents). It’s a good time to invite him to spend (a brief amount of) time with your girlfriends (he’ll appear to be the ideal man… he listens! He understands! He’s attentive!). If you are one of those women who needs her man to go shopping with her to feel appreciated (and, please, I hope you change your ways… no more turning your boyfriends into your best girlfriends… tsk tsk), this is one of the best times to ask him as his patience levels are high. This is the best time to increase your mental/emotional closeness. Talk. Get to know him even better. And listen. This is when he’ll open up.
Days 8-14: Affectionate… Like Fabio
Your man is all about you. You feel like an irresistible goddess (well, you feel that way all the time… this is just when he reminds you of that). He is touchy and affectionate. He says just the right things. He is constantly sexy and he is genuinely sweet. This is when your head spins and he has the ability to make you a bit swoony (sidenote: we should all make it a point to swoon more frequently… it’s a lost art and it feels topsy-turvy heart-fluttery uh-ma-zing… master the swoon. Your man can’t make you swoon, you say? Move on to the next eligible suitor immediately). This is when a kiss makes you cross-eyed and you just fit. Cheesy? Totally. Awesome? Uh, yeah. This is one of the best (okay… the best) time in the man’s PMS cycle. This is when your physical bond is the strongest and you feel a bit like a twitterpated teenager. Bask in this out of control lust. This is the stuff that Monster Ballads are made of and you, my dear, are living proof. So put on some Whitesnake and get all gussied up to spend a night (or weekend) in with your man.
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