I look around at my peers… more specifically, women in their twenties and early thirties, and I am met with a sea of unfulfilled potential… often halted by an excess of insecurity. My philosophy is that this insecurity is two-fold: 1) women tear down other women and 2) men have a way of making women feel less than they should at times.

As to women tearing down other women: stop it. Jealousy is a useless and highly destructive emotion. If you find yourself saying something bad about another woman you should cease speaking. Do not comment on her weight, her style, her face, or anything else about the way she presents herself unless it is positive. Compliment other women freely and honestly. Encourage them. Nothing is less appealing than a woman who demonstrates excessive envy.

As to men making women feel insecure: sometimes it is intentional, sometimes it is not. I will never tear down men. I think that men are utterly wonderful and just as lost as women are in this labyrinth of a world in which we live. Sometimes they put women down, but sometimes we put them down… so let’s call it even. The only advice I feel qualified to give is this: Let men into your life with caution. A woman’s heart can be strong, but it can also be foolish. For some reason, the heart of a woman tends to be extra susceptible to the comments made by men. Do not let emotional experiences make you feel less fabulous than you are.

Enough of the serious stuff… I can only deal with so much of that… Let’s move on.

Nine Things That Make a Woman Over the Top Fabulous

1. Sky High Super Strappy Incredibly Impractical and Excruitiatingly Painful Shoes – you see them on the shelf and they take your breath away. Sadly, they are a half size too small and cost as much as your rent. You have nowhere to wear them and they don’t match anything you already own. You begin to walk away… but soon the logic tearing you from your purchase begins to fade. You turn and triumphantly hold the shoe in the air. Buy it. Don’t think about it. Shoes are sexy. Wear them out for no reason. If you can’t find a reason to wear them… make a reason. Strut. If your feet are hurting, throw back another dirty martini while you throw a wink at your man because he just looked you up and down… all the way to your shoes.

2. An Unrestrained Sense of Humor – do you like dirty jokes? Tell one. Did someone say something funny? Then laugh… hard. There is nothing less attractive or less magnetic than a woman who suppresses her sense of humor. Sure, the chick who looks like she is bored to tears might seem “mysterious,” but this allure only lasts for so long (and she will end up hanging out with equally “mysterious” {aka boring} people). If someone can’t deal with your laughter, it really shouldn’t concern you… You’re having too much fun to even notice their negativity.

3. Fierce, Unapologetic Intelligence – if you have a large vocabulary, by all means, use it. If you are up to date on current events, bring them up. If you enjoy healthy debate, engage in it. As long as you aren’t “talking down” to anyone (nobody likes a pompous know-it-all), your intelligence is something that is an asset. If your friends can’t keep up, either teach them or find more stimulating company. If a man rolls his eyes at you, he’s certainly not the guy for you (who would clearly worship your mind and have something scintillating to say in response).

4. Passionate Ambition – I don’t care what your passion is; just have one. And chase the hell out of it. Run it down. Own it. Nothing is more frustrating to me than watching someone who has so much to offer just sitting there as if destiny is going to come knocking at their door. It’s not. You have to go bang the door down, take Destiny hostage, and make it happen. You want to run Wall Street? Be a doctor? Be an actress? Show your artwork in a gallery? Write a bestseller? Do it. The people that truly love you will support you all the way. Anyone who knocks you for chasing your dreams is either envious or intimidated. Not like you care… you’re too busy climbing the ladder to notice.

5. A Full, Varied, and Impressive Schedule – nothing is more fabulous than a busy woman. A woman who is busy with work and busy with play is a total magnet for fabulous people. Fill your time with trips, shows, cocktails, and fancy dinners. And, I cannot stress this enough, do NOT change your plans for a man. I am guilty of doing this in the past and I vow, publicly, to never do this again. If he is really worth your time, he will work around your schedule and realize that he has to ask you for your time in advance, showing you the respect and forethought that you deserve {I am currently lucky enough to have this kind of man in my life}. Also, to hang out with Mr. Last Minute, you inevitably will bail on someone else or something else that you have already made a commitment to. Being a flake is disrespectful, immature, and shows a lack of preparation. You, my love, are none of these things.

6. Equally Fabulous Girlfriends – a truly fabulous woman is secure and wants to surround herself with women of her own caliber. We’ve all seen it: the hot woman dressed to the nines surrounded by a bunch of less than impressive friends. There is something wrong here. Either those less than impressive friends are secretly fabulous and the hot chick has yet to teach them how to make an impact OR the hot chick is incredibly insecure or jealous and fears competition. You are not like that. You do not compete with your girlfriends, you support them. You are there for them to help them continually improve and you celebrate their success and even their failures (because they were fearless enough to go for it). Having phenomenally strong and impressive women as your girlfriends will also motivate you to push yourself. Added bonus: the dinner conversation will be more than just shopping and boys (though, admittedly, those are my two favorite subjects).

7. A Heart of Gold (or, better yet, Platinum) – kindness and compassion are two of the most beautiful things that one can possess. If you care about others and let them know that you do, you have the ability to make a lasting impact that is worth more than all the money in the world (okay… almost). Also, one of the most important things to learn is how to put others first. This world is full of selfish people… you are NOT one of them. Give a compliment. Be a shoulder to lean or cry on. Stay strong for those you love and those who love you. Even if you have it all together, you aren’t really strong until you learn to love. There is strength in that kind of softness. The human condition is all about connecting with others. It is easy to forget this while being the hot, fabulous, driven, sexy woman that you are…. But don’t. You aren’t complete without the ability to forge this kind of connection.

8. Sex Appeal – there is a difference between a sexy woman and a slutty woman. The difference is simple: suggestion. A sexy woman hints at her appeal with a word here or a hint of cleavage there. She can wow the hell out of a man in a conservative pantsuit with the way she carries herself. A woman with true sex appeal is completely comfortable with herself and confident in her abilities, but does NOT sleep around. She is discriminate in who she chooses and does not use sex for attention, security fulfillment, or emotional replacement. She understands the power of her femininity and subtly uses it. And, hey, there are ALWAYS occasions for that too tight, too much cleavage, too much leg dress that you are dying to wear…. It’s called Girl’s Weekend in Vegas (there is an exception to every rule).

9. Loves to Get Sweaty – get your mind out of the gutter… exercise and athletics are hot. They make you happy (hello endorphins!), they increase your sex drive (rarr), and they make you healthier and way hotter. Just do it.


  1. Jelena says

    U said it girl, u brought out all important things a girl should certainly know and accept!! Marvelous post, full of positive energy!! Just like your blog! Continue like this, u’re truly amazing!!


    • kirstenely says

      Jelena, thank you so much for the kind words! I checked out your blog… and I LOVE your style! Keep it up 🙂